Big decisions to make! Torn...

Last night S and I were talking and he said something that I never thought I would hear. He is starting to think we should go ahead with donor sperm rather than go through IVF. I was blown away. I am not really sure how I feel about that. I told him we need to think about what we will decide. I am afraid he want to do it for the wrong reasons, that he thinks he is failing me and thinks this will make me happier.

I know he is worried about the money. IVF will run us around $20,000 completely out of pocket. IUI with donor sperm is much less and I believe our insurance will cover the IUI, just not the donor part. It will take us at least another year to save up enough for IVF. If we do IUI we can do it now.

He says he doesn't care anymore about it being "his" biologically and he just wants to be a father. I am afraid one day he will resent the fact that we used a donor. I just don't know what to do. I was thinking maybe we could use a donor for our first child while we save up money for an IVF in a couple years for our second child. S is worried that if we wait too long he won't have any sperm, but we have to wait regardless due to saving up money.

I just don't know what decision to make. There are tons of pros to doing IUI: we can do it now, less cost, not as hard on my body. But I just don't know if I can do it. I want my husband's baby. I can't believe I am having to make a decision like this. Its not fair!!