This morning we met with Dr Y at the fertility clinic in town. It went fairly well, luckily we were pretty sure what he was going to say so nothing came as a shock to us. He is doing one more hormonal test on S and if that comes back abnormal there is medication he can take to try and fix it. If it comes back normal then we are looking at IVF with ICSI as our only option. He also said we might need to consider using testicular sperm depending on how things look when the time comes. That is a surgery for S, and although he is willing to do it I don't want to unless we have to. He also talked about the option of donor sperm but we told him we want exhaust all other options first.
We should have the test results on Thursday. I am praying it comes back abnormal and the medication can fix the problem. Otherwise we are officially labeled unexplained MFI and on to saving money like crazy so we can do IVF.
I am pretty proud to say I didn't cry at this appointment! :)
Monday, April 18, 2011
Nervous
In just a few hours we have our first RE appointment. I am extremely nervous. Last night S and I were talking about it and of course I was crying. I love him so much, he is so optimistic that things will be ok. He did confide in me that he is worried that he will be letting me and my parents down if we can't get pregnant. I only have one sister and she has three boys and is done. My parents really want a granddaughter so we are their only hope for that. I hate that he worries about this. I tell him all the time that I don't blame him but I know he blames himself. This is just all so hard.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Sorry
I want to apologize for my last blog entry. I was so upset and it just all came out. I've had time to chill out and realize its not the end of the world. We do have options. We don't know what the RE will say, maybe there are things they will try before IVF. Honestly I am lucky to have any insurance coverage at all. And if we do have to do IVF, we will just have to save up for it. It might just take longer than we had planned. Or we could always finance part of our IVF. Things are not going as I had hoped but they could always be worse.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
F*ck.
Well, I finally got around to calling my insurance company. They don't cover IVF, which is most likely our only option. F*ck. We cannot afford IVF right now and it will probably take us close to a year to save up for it. I feel so defeated. I am praying that we will find out we have more options than I think come our appointment on Monday with the RE.
Monday, April 11, 2011
Down in the dumps
I am in a major funk. I have no idea what is wrong with me. I have been so crabby and moody the past few weeks. I feel awful for my husband because I am sure I suck to be around right now. Every day I have to go to work I completely dread it. I don't feel like being around anyone. Yesterday I was so crabby I decided to hang out alone in bed rather than be out in the living room with S. I just want to hide out somewhere and cry. I've been avoiding people as much as possible. I am freaking out over little things that really shouldn't bother me so much.
I even actually have some things to be proud of for once and all I can see is the negative. I have lost 23 pounds but I don't feel like I look any different and I still have so much more to lose that it doesn't even feel like a dent in the total number. I look at myself and I am disgusted. We have recently paid off a lot of debt, but I am so stressed about money all the time and the remainder of our debt and upcoming expenses related to IF. I feel like we will never be ahead.
Our first RE appointment is in a week and I am extremely nervous about it. I have no idea why, I feel like I know what to expect. I want to get things moving. But I am afraid. I am afraid they will find more things wrong. I am afraid they will tell us we have no options. All this time I have held out hope that even though our diagnosis is bad, at least we can do IVF. What if that isn't a possibility?
I feel like I am dangling by a thread and I am going to snap in a big way. I really need to pull myself together.
I even actually have some things to be proud of for once and all I can see is the negative. I have lost 23 pounds but I don't feel like I look any different and I still have so much more to lose that it doesn't even feel like a dent in the total number. I look at myself and I am disgusted. We have recently paid off a lot of debt, but I am so stressed about money all the time and the remainder of our debt and upcoming expenses related to IF. I feel like we will never be ahead.
Our first RE appointment is in a week and I am extremely nervous about it. I have no idea why, I feel like I know what to expect. I want to get things moving. But I am afraid. I am afraid they will find more things wrong. I am afraid they will tell us we have no options. All this time I have held out hope that even though our diagnosis is bad, at least we can do IVF. What if that isn't a possibility?
I feel like I am dangling by a thread and I am going to snap in a big way. I really need to pull myself together.
Sunday, April 10, 2011
ABC Survey
This post has nothing to do with IF but I am bored so I am posting it anyway :)
A. Age: 27
B. Bed size: Queen
C. Chore you hate: Sweeping and scrubbing the floors
D. Dogs: I love them! We have a beagle-mix named Lily
E. Essential start to your day: Breakfast! Otherwise I get lightheaded
F. Favourite colors: Blue and purple
G. Gold or silver: White gold
H. Height: 5' 4"
I. Instruments you play: I can play the piano, clarinet, and drums
J. Job title: Registered Nurse
K. Kids: Hopefully someday soon
L. Live: Life to its fullest
M. Mom’s name: Candy
N. Nicknames: None currently, used to be Nellie
O. Overnight hospital stays: None unless you count working overnights :)
P. Pet peeve: People who are lazy at work!!
Q. Quote from a movie: "What's with today, today?" Empire Records
R. Right or left handed: I'm a righty
S. Siblings: One sister, older
T. Time you wake up: When I work about 4-5pm. When I don't work it varies greatly
U. Underwear: Bikini style
V. Vegetable you dislike: Peas
W. What makes you run late: My husband!
X. X-Rays you’ve had: Back, right foot, chest, teeth
Y. Yummy food you make: Chicken alfredo and scalloped potatoes with ham are my specialties
Z. Zoo- favourite animal: Frogs
A. Age: 27
B. Bed size: Queen
C. Chore you hate: Sweeping and scrubbing the floors
D. Dogs: I love them! We have a beagle-mix named Lily
E. Essential start to your day: Breakfast! Otherwise I get lightheaded
F. Favourite colors: Blue and purple
G. Gold or silver: White gold
H. Height: 5' 4"
I. Instruments you play: I can play the piano, clarinet, and drums
J. Job title: Registered Nurse
K. Kids: Hopefully someday soon
L. Live: Life to its fullest
M. Mom’s name: Candy
N. Nicknames: None currently, used to be Nellie
O. Overnight hospital stays: None unless you count working overnights :)
P. Pet peeve: People who are lazy at work!!
Q. Quote from a movie: "What's with today, today?" Empire Records
R. Right or left handed: I'm a righty
S. Siblings: One sister, older
T. Time you wake up: When I work about 4-5pm. When I don't work it varies greatly
U. Underwear: Bikini style
V. Vegetable you dislike: Peas
W. What makes you run late: My husband!
X. X-Rays you’ve had: Back, right foot, chest, teeth
Y. Yummy food you make: Chicken alfredo and scalloped potatoes with ham are my specialties
Z. Zoo- favourite animal: Frogs
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Happy Birthday to me
Well today is my birthday, 27 years old. If I could have one wish for my birthday this year it would be that I be pregnant by my next one. Please God let this be our year!
Myths and Facts about the big IF
April 24-30 is National Infertility Awareness Week. Here are some myths and facts regarding infertility I pulled from RESOLVE.
Myth: Infertility is a women's problem.
Fact: This is untrue. It surprises most people to learn that infertility is a female problem in 35% of the cases, a male problem in 35% of the cases, a combined problem of the couple in 20% of cases, and unexplained in 10% of cases. It is essential that both the man and the woman be evaluated during an infertility work-up.
Myth: Everyone seems to get pregnant at the drop of a hat.
Fact: More than 7.3 million people of childbearing age in the United States experience infertility. When you seek support, you will find that you are not alone. Join RESOLVE, a support group, or talk with others who are struggling to build a family, so that you won't feel isolated.
Myth: It's all in your head! Why don't you relax or take a vacation. Then you'll get pregnant!
Fact: Infertility is a disease or condition of the reproductive system. While relaxing may help you with your overall quality of life, the stress and deep emotions you feel are the result of infertility, not the cause of it. Improved medical techniques have made it easier to diagnose infertility problems.
Myth: Don't worry so much -- it just takes time. You'll get pregnant if you're just patient.
Fact: Infertility is a medical problem that may be treated. At least 50% of those who complete an infertility evaluation will respond to treatment with a successful pregnancy. Some infertility problems respond with higher or lower success rates. Those who do not seek help have a "spontaneous cure rate" of about 5% after a year of infertility.
Myth: If you adopt a baby you'll get pregnant!
Fact: This is one of the most painful myths for couples to hear. First it suggests that adoption is only a means to an end, not an happy and successful end in itself. Second, it is simply not true. Studies reveal that the rate for achieving pregnancy after adopting is the same as for those who do not adopt.
Myth: Why don't you just forget it and adopt? After all, there are so many babies out there who need homes!
Fact: For many, adoption is a happy resolution to infertility. But choosing how to build your family is a very personal decision. Learning about all the ways to build a family can open your eyes to options you may not have thought of as a possibility. Education is key to finding resolution.
Myth: Maybe you two are doing something wrong!
Fact: Infertility is a medical condition, not a sexual disorder.
Myth: My partner might leave me because of our infertility.
Fact: The majority of couples do survive the infertility crisis, learning in the process new ways of relating to each other, which deepens their relationship in years to follow.
Myth: Perhaps this is God's way of telling you that you two aren't meant to be parents!
Fact: It is particularly difficult to hear this when you are struggling with infertility. You know what loving parents you would be, and it is painful to have to explain to others that you have a medical problem.
Myth: Infertility is nature's way of controlling population.
Fact: Zero population growth is a goal pursued in a time of world overpopulation, but it still allows for couples to replace themselves with two children. Individuals or couples can certainly elect the option to be childfree or to raise a single child. Infertility, for those who desire children, denies them the opportunity to choose.
Myth: I shouldn't take a month off from infertility treatment for any reason... I just know that this next month will be THE one!
Fact: It is important periodically to reassess your treatment and your parenting goal. Continuity in treatment is important, but sometimes a break can provide needed rest and renewal for the next steps.
Myth: I'll be labeled a 'trouble maker' if I ask too many questions.
Fact: The physician/patient team is important. You need to be informed about what treatments are available. What is right for one couple may not be right for another, either physically, financially, or emotionally. Don't be afraid to ask questions of your doctor.
A second opinion can be helpful. If needed, discuss this option with your physician.
Myth: I know I'll never be able to stop treatment until I have a pregnancy.
Fact: Pregnancy is not the only pathway to parenthood. You may begin to think more about parenthood than about pregnancy. You may long for your life to get back to normal. You may consider childfree living or begin to think of other ways to build a family.
Myth: I've lost interest in my job, hobbies, and my friends because of infertility. No one understands! My life will never be the same!
Fact: Infertility is a life crisis -- it has a rippling effect on all areas of your life. It is normal to feel a sense of failure that can affect your self-esteem and self-image. You will move through this crisis. It is a process, and it may mean letting go of initial dreams. Throughout this process, stay informed about the wide range of options and connect with others facing similar experiences.
Myth: Infertility is a women's problem.
Fact: This is untrue. It surprises most people to learn that infertility is a female problem in 35% of the cases, a male problem in 35% of the cases, a combined problem of the couple in 20% of cases, and unexplained in 10% of cases. It is essential that both the man and the woman be evaluated during an infertility work-up.
Myth: Everyone seems to get pregnant at the drop of a hat.
Fact: More than 7.3 million people of childbearing age in the United States experience infertility. When you seek support, you will find that you are not alone. Join RESOLVE, a support group, or talk with others who are struggling to build a family, so that you won't feel isolated.
Myth: It's all in your head! Why don't you relax or take a vacation. Then you'll get pregnant!
Fact: Infertility is a disease or condition of the reproductive system. While relaxing may help you with your overall quality of life, the stress and deep emotions you feel are the result of infertility, not the cause of it. Improved medical techniques have made it easier to diagnose infertility problems.
Myth: Don't worry so much -- it just takes time. You'll get pregnant if you're just patient.
Fact: Infertility is a medical problem that may be treated. At least 50% of those who complete an infertility evaluation will respond to treatment with a successful pregnancy. Some infertility problems respond with higher or lower success rates. Those who do not seek help have a "spontaneous cure rate" of about 5% after a year of infertility.
Myth: If you adopt a baby you'll get pregnant!
Fact: This is one of the most painful myths for couples to hear. First it suggests that adoption is only a means to an end, not an happy and successful end in itself. Second, it is simply not true. Studies reveal that the rate for achieving pregnancy after adopting is the same as for those who do not adopt.
Myth: Why don't you just forget it and adopt? After all, there are so many babies out there who need homes!
Fact: For many, adoption is a happy resolution to infertility. But choosing how to build your family is a very personal decision. Learning about all the ways to build a family can open your eyes to options you may not have thought of as a possibility. Education is key to finding resolution.
Myth: Maybe you two are doing something wrong!
Fact: Infertility is a medical condition, not a sexual disorder.
Myth: My partner might leave me because of our infertility.
Fact: The majority of couples do survive the infertility crisis, learning in the process new ways of relating to each other, which deepens their relationship in years to follow.
Myth: Perhaps this is God's way of telling you that you two aren't meant to be parents!
Fact: It is particularly difficult to hear this when you are struggling with infertility. You know what loving parents you would be, and it is painful to have to explain to others that you have a medical problem.
Myth: Infertility is nature's way of controlling population.
Fact: Zero population growth is a goal pursued in a time of world overpopulation, but it still allows for couples to replace themselves with two children. Individuals or couples can certainly elect the option to be childfree or to raise a single child. Infertility, for those who desire children, denies them the opportunity to choose.
Myth: I shouldn't take a month off from infertility treatment for any reason... I just know that this next month will be THE one!
Fact: It is important periodically to reassess your treatment and your parenting goal. Continuity in treatment is important, but sometimes a break can provide needed rest and renewal for the next steps.
Myth: I'll be labeled a 'trouble maker' if I ask too many questions.
Fact: The physician/patient team is important. You need to be informed about what treatments are available. What is right for one couple may not be right for another, either physically, financially, or emotionally. Don't be afraid to ask questions of your doctor.
A second opinion can be helpful. If needed, discuss this option with your physician.
Myth: I know I'll never be able to stop treatment until I have a pregnancy.
Fact: Pregnancy is not the only pathway to parenthood. You may begin to think more about parenthood than about pregnancy. You may long for your life to get back to normal. You may consider childfree living or begin to think of other ways to build a family.
Myth: I've lost interest in my job, hobbies, and my friends because of infertility. No one understands! My life will never be the same!
Fact: Infertility is a life crisis -- it has a rippling effect on all areas of your life. It is normal to feel a sense of failure that can affect your self-esteem and self-image. You will move through this crisis. It is a process, and it may mean letting go of initial dreams. Throughout this process, stay informed about the wide range of options and connect with others facing similar experiences.
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Baby Showers
Something I am sure any infertile woman dreads is the baby shower. I recently went to one for my cousin who is due next month. I honestly tried to think of an excuse as to why I couldn't come, but decided to buck up and just go. I handled myself well. God must have been watching out for me because no one asked me if I was next or the typical questions like that. I even sat there and listened to my cousin, my sister, and another cousin talk about how they all got pregnant on the first try. Must be freaking nice! Luckily no one else I know is currently pregnant so no more baby showers for a while!
The next day my mom and I went out for brunch. Now, I haven't told her any of what we are going through. She knows we have been trying for a while and I wonder if she suspects we are having troubles because she will mention people she knows who have dealt with IF or articles she has read, etc. When we were out to brunch she asked if its hard for me to go to baby showers when we are trying to get pregnant. I wanted to say yes but I couldn't. I don't want to come across as bitter and jealous (even if I really am!). I really need to tell my family what we are going through, but I have no idea how to go about it! I keep putting it off. Right now I think maybe once we meet with the RE and have a plan we will tell them. It would be nice to have their support but I also don't want to put them through what we have been through.
Infertility sucks!!
The next day my mom and I went out for brunch. Now, I haven't told her any of what we are going through. She knows we have been trying for a while and I wonder if she suspects we are having troubles because she will mention people she knows who have dealt with IF or articles she has read, etc. When we were out to brunch she asked if its hard for me to go to baby showers when we are trying to get pregnant. I wanted to say yes but I couldn't. I don't want to come across as bitter and jealous (even if I really am!). I really need to tell my family what we are going through, but I have no idea how to go about it! I keep putting it off. Right now I think maybe once we meet with the RE and have a plan we will tell them. It would be nice to have their support but I also don't want to put them through what we have been through.
Infertility sucks!!
Friday, April 1, 2011
Appointment is set
For the RE that is. S's urologist finally set us up with the referral to the fertility clinic and we will be going on April 18th. I am extremely nervous. Now that we know how difficult it will be for us ever to get pregnant due to S's problem, I am just praying that there is no problem with me as well. I have held off on further testing on me while we tried to figure out what was going on with S, but now we will have to continue my testing. In my mind I am thinking that if there are no problems with me that IVF should work for us. I don't know what makes me think that, obviously we need to wait and see what the RE says about our situation.
I do have an insurance question if anyone knows the answer. S is not on my insurance. His insurance does not cover infertility. Mine does. Since it is his Dr that referred us to the RE, will everything be denied? Since we will probably have to do IVF that will be under my insurance, right? Do I need to get a referral from my Dr to continue my testing with the RE (or does his referral work for both of us)? I plan to call my insurance company next week but I thought I'd see if anyone has any experience with this type of thing. I am kicking myself for not putting him on my insurance! My insurance sucks otherwise and we thought it would be best to not bother putting him on mine. I am on both mine and his thankfully.
I do have an insurance question if anyone knows the answer. S is not on my insurance. His insurance does not cover infertility. Mine does. Since it is his Dr that referred us to the RE, will everything be denied? Since we will probably have to do IVF that will be under my insurance, right? Do I need to get a referral from my Dr to continue my testing with the RE (or does his referral work for both of us)? I plan to call my insurance company next week but I thought I'd see if anyone has any experience with this type of thing. I am kicking myself for not putting him on my insurance! My insurance sucks otherwise and we thought it would be best to not bother putting him on mine. I am on both mine and his thankfully.
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